Bitter, sweet and strange.

I struggle with good byes.

I like closure so I do need to say good bye to people, but I really do not like drawn out good byes.

My preference would be to say all my good byes within a few minutes, hop on the plane and leave.

But I can't always get what I want.

This week has really felt like one long drawn out good bye. I am still happy to be here in Tactic, but everyday I have had to say good bye to someone I have grown to love over the past month and a half. This has been tough for me. There have definitely been tears.

Today I was at Chamche (the main Vida school campus) and I was saying good bye to some teachers who are incredibly dear to me and as I was hugging them TWO of them started crying.

Ahh-my heart. It aches.

To love is a beautiful, but very hard thing. Especially when you love someone so dearly, but then you have to leave and you are suddenly no longer a part of each other's lives.

I am just trying to remind myself that I will see each of these incredible people in heaven and we will get to worship our King for all of eternity!

This is a beautiful thing.

I leave Tactic tomorrow and even though my heart wants to come back to this beautiful place, I have no control over when I will return here.

My time here has been absolutely incredible. I am so grateful that God gave me this opportunity and provided me with the necessary resources for me to come here.

I am overwhelmed by how much God taught me and is still teaching me through the experiences I have had here.

I am in awe of the people God put in my path for me to meet. I have met so many incredible people over the past month and a half.

I have met people on teams who have encouraged me in so many ways.

I have met countless Guatemalans who are faithfully serving the Lord regardless of the hard circumstances they live in.

I am still trying to process all that I have seen here and I know that I will processing it all for quite some time.

Thank you for your continual prayers and support. I thank God each day for you.

I ask that you continue to pray for me as I have 2 and half more days in Guatemala and then I fly back to Canada all day Monday.

Please pray for my last few days in Guatemala that there would be good closure and that I would be able to continue to bless the people I interact with.

Please pray for safety and energy for me as I travel and that everything would go smoothly.

I would also ask that you pray for me once I am home as I only have a few short days at home in Kamloops before I return to Trinity Western University in Langley, BC for my second year there.

Thank you for everything. You are all so dear to me.

I look forward to seeing some (if not all) of you very soon.

Sending love and hugs your way,

Michelle

PS- You are ALL invited to drop by my house Tuesday, August 24 between 7-9pm for an informal report-back/get-together. As I only have a few days in Kamloops before I leave for Trinity, I will not have time to see everyone and give a report on my trip. So...stop by my house, bring a dessert or snack to share, and we can visit! I would love to see you all there and get time to share with you AND hear about how each of YOU are doing.

Humility.

As some of you may or may not know, I have been struggling with my health for the last week. By the grace of God I am almost completely better, but it has felt like a really long time to be sick.

I know that it's never fun to be sick, but I find it's especially hard to be sick when I'm away from home. All week I just really wanted to have my family with me, to lie in my bed, and to eat (North American) chicken noodles soup (please don't be offended Guatemala).

I also find that it's especially hard to be sick when I am really busy and have a lot that calls for my time and attention.

I also find that it's especially hard to be sick when you know that you are lying in bed (with a not-so-great attitude) while everyone else (or at least it feels like everyone else) is out doing something fun.

Those have been struggles for me.

I always struggle with God as to what He is trying to teach when I'm sick. Before I share what I think God is trying to teach me, I need to explain something about myself:

I'm kind of a slow learner (can I an "Amen" from those who can relate? Thank you).

Like it takes me quite a long time to learn something new.

Or at least it feels like a long time.

Maybe I'm just impatient...

Skip the last thought-keep following the slow learner thought.

For example: I clearly remember the first time I had to do laundry and my mom taught me how to use the washing machine.

Now you and I both know that washing machines aren't THAT complicated, but-oh wow-I know that it took me at least 5 loads of laundry where I had to ask my mom to re-show me how to use the machine before I could do it right on my own.

Don't worry though.

I know some of you moms were getting a bit stressed for a minute there so I just wanted to calm your nerves:

I have been a successful clothing-cleaner (with AND without a machine) for quite some time now. I CAN do my own laundry.

I just wanted to clear that up.

Anyways...

So I think my slow learner issue applies to the lessons God tries to teach me, because-man!-it feels like like it takes a lot of reminders and re-teachings from God before I really understand a concept He is trying to teach me.

So back to what I think God is trying to teach me (for at least the thousandth time):

humility

Hmm.

That's a tough one to swallow-hey?

When I am sick I am humbled in many ways:

1. When I am really ill I rely on others for almost everything. Getting me food, water, clothing, and sometimes even cleaning me up. That is very humbling for me.

2. I look disgusting when I am sick. Really-I do.

My face is pale (well, paler than usual), sweaty, and sometimes green looking.

My body just stinks in general because I don't have the strength or energy to stand for long enough to have a shower. (DO NOT WORRY. I did, in fact, bath more than once this week and I am now clean.)

My hair has a party that Organization and Order weren't invited to, so you can just imagine what goes on up there.

You get the picture.

3. I miss out on fun things. I don't get to be a part of everything. I don't get attention. (Or at least I don't get attention except for the attention people looking after me give me). I don't get to be included in things. I don't know what's going on in everyone's lives.

Now, all of those things aren't necessarily BAD things in and of themselves, but when my desire for them stems from the pride in my heart, then we have a problem.

humility

I'm going to need God to keep working on my heart on that one.

Thank you LORD for your grace.

Thank you LORD that you do not give up on us.

Thank you LORD for your patience.

Much love to you all,

Michelle

Como Estan Ustedes?

Hello my dear friends.

I hope you are all doing so so well.

I cannot believe that I have been in Guatemala for a month and that I only have 2 weeks left! Time really has flown by.

A lot has happened since I last updated you all. Sorry for taking so long- it has just been super busy.

I finished off with my second team and picked up the new team and we have now had almost a full week with this new team. This team is actually from my home-Kamloops- so it has been extra special re-connecting with people I already knew and also connecting with people that are connected with people that I know and love.

I am really really enjoying this team. They have a really neat spirit about them and a really great attitude. I am very blessed by them.

We have already done quite a few work days as well as we have done our children's ministry. It is so interesting doing children's ministry because we do it in a different church with every team and every church responds differently. God was definitely moving though and I was very blessed by our time there.

I had the privilege of attending a wedding here in Guatemala yesterday. It was a Canadian-Guatemalan wedding (the bride is originally from Alberta) so that made it really interesting. It was at a very beautiful hotel about 15 minutes outside of Tactic (where the ministry is based) and I really enjoyed being at it. I don't know either the bride or groom very well, but I am good friends with the groom's dad so that is why I was invited. I actually ended up playing piano at the wedding because Jessica Peters was singing a song and needed someone to play the piano and sing harmony with her. So that was pretty cool. I definitely didn't think that I would get to play piano for a wedding while I was here. It was beautiful to be a part of it.

The last day has been pretty interesting because about 6 members of the team (including me!) have had some sort of stomach bug. I spent about 5 hours last night struggling in vain to keep any type of food or liquid in my body. Praise the Lord for fantastic friends though. Arryn Bauder (from Kamloops-we went to Kamloops Christian School together) is living in La Casa Amarilla with me and the other girls while her parents are in Kamloops. Arryn took fantastic care of me and I am so so grateful for her. I am feeling significantly better together today- I just need to regain my stength now. Every time I am sick I am reminded of how blessed I am to have good health. I am grateful for my health.

Today we had church and I am really appreciating the heart of the church here. I was definitely blessed during my time there.

Thank you LORD for your body at work here on earth.

I only have time for one photo (because it literally takes at least 10 minutes to upload each photo) from my past few weeks.

This is Wilmur. He is 12 years old. He attends one of the Impact schools. He is the son of the pastor from the church where we did children's ministry with the last team. He is definitely a leader and he will draw many people into the kingdom as he continues to serve the Lord. He was SUCH a blessing to me. Such a beautiful heart.

This is a natural sinkhole that is located about 15 minutes outside of Tactic. It is actually used as a place for witch doctors to perform rituals because it is seen as a place where one can be closer to the gods because it is a "low" place. For years Impact Ministries has been taking teams there to worship the one true God. It is pretty incredible to worship there. The devil has had a hold of the sinkhole for years, but there is actually a rumour spreading that the sinkhole is losing its power. Praise the LORD!

That's all for now. I hope you are all doing well.

Thank you so much for all you prayers and support.

Prayer requests:

-My health. That I would regain strength quickly.

-The health of the team.

-Wisdom as I daily deal with learning how to better love people.

Thank you.

Much love.

Michelle

Wonder.

It takes a lot to surprise me.

A lot.

I am not easily shocked.

I have come to realize that this can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing.

I have come to realize that often poverty doesn't shock me.

At first I thought that it was because I had become accustomed to it over the years so it no longer shocked me, but I now realize that it never really shocked me.

I was exposed to poverty from a young age so it was never a new, surprising, or shocking thing for me.

The poverty in Guatemala rarely shocks me.

That is not good.

It really isn't.

God is so faithful though-I am realizing more and more that God knows exactly what I need.

That is why I am working with teams.

Every day I am working with people who are shocked by poverty.

Some of the people on these teams are seeing poverty for the first time in their lives.

The VERY first time.

They are shocked by what they are seeing.

They ask incredible questions.

They think of things I have never thought of.

They see things that I have looked at before but never actually SEEN.

Have you found that in your own life before? That you have looked at something every day, but never actually LOOKED at it.

You've never actually soaked it in.

Appreciated it.

Taken it in.

You've become immune to seeing it.

In some ways, I have become immune to poverty.

I do NOT want to be immune to poverty.

I want my heart to break for what breaks God's heart.

I want to ache when he aches.

I want to cry when he cries.

God: break me.

Please.

I do not want to lose wonder.

I want to be seeing things with fresh eyes every day.

Let me not lose wonder Lord Jesus.

I just want to share a "quick" update (but if you know me, nothing is ever quick with Michelle)...

Some of the details might not be exactly accurate (ie: the dates, etc.), but that's because everything sort of blurs at this point.

This team arrived Thursday night, we spent Friday morning in the capital city, and then drove to Tactic Friday afternoon.

Saturday was the first work day with this team and we continued our work at Chijacorral. It's really neat to see the progress there. There is still a lot of work to be done, but a great deal has been accomplished.

Saturday afternoon we went to the hospital to pray for the children and new mothers there. I have done hospital visits there quite a few times, but I was really affected this time.

We were praying for a little girl-she wasn't even a year old-and she was severely malnourished.

SEVERELY malnourished.

You could pull the skin away from her bones.

We were in the middle of praying for her and I just couldn't take it anymore-I had to leave.

It hurt too much.

She wasn't hooked up to an IV.

She wasn't getting the hydration she needed.

And she needed hydration NOW.

My heart ached.

I got a glimpse of what the Father feels for his children.

Sunday morning I got the morning off (ahh-blessed rest), and then we went to church in the afternoon.

Church is always enjoyable and I feel so blessed to be able to worship with the brothers and sisters here. Man- we are going to have an amazing party up in heaven one day!

Seriously. It will be incredible.

On Monday we worked at the work site again and then did this team's first day of children's ministry at a Nazarene church in a small community called Pas Molon. We did 4 days of children's ministry there and I was absolutely blessed by the people who came out.

SUCH a blessing.

Beautiful, beautiful children.

I will share some photos later.

We have worked 2 more days since then and finished our last day of children's ministry (with this team) today.

Tonight I had the pleasure of going to a prayer and worship evening at the Impact church in Tactic. We spent an hour praising the Lord through song and prayer-it was a blessing.

That's a bit of a rough overview of everything, but I just wanted to update you while I had a bit of time.

I also wanted to share some prayer requests with you.

Please pray:

-For the team that is here right now. They are working really hard and a number of them have been ill in some form. Please pray that they can stay healthy so they can fully experience what God has for them here.

-For the people who came to children's ministry this past week-that the seeds that were planted would bear much fruit.

-For me to have energy and love for everyone I interact with. I know that I need to grow in patience and grace for everyone I interact with.

-For safety as we travel to Antigua this Saturday.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support.

You are all such an encouragement to me.

Blessings on all of you.

Much love,

Michelle

xoxo

Snapshots.

Here are a few snapshots of the past week or so of my life.

Me, in front of La Casa Amarilla (The Yellow House)-where I live.

My sponsor child gave me the top of this traditional dress-called a guipil (say: wee-peel) and the skirt is called a corte. Julie Sawatsky, one of the girls who lives in my house with me, lent me the corte.

I wore this to church last Sunday and my sponsor family was absolutely thrilled. I was actually able to sit with them during the service and worship with them. What an incredible privilege.

This is Selvin. He comes and visits me every time we work at Chijacorral.

I practice my Spanish with him and he practices his English with me.

He blesses my heart.

And yes, he wears TOMS. Someone donated shoes for ALL the kids in all the Impact schools.

And they were TOMS.

That's all for now.

Much love.

Life.

Hello dear ones.

I apologize if some of this is a bit jumbled. It is late and I am tired, but I really wanted to update you all.

I have been in Guatemala for just under 2 weeks-hard to believe hey? It's pretty crazy. It has gone by so quickly, but it also feels like I have been here for a long time.

I am so enjoying the work I am doing here. I feel so privileged to be working with Impact Ministries and meeting so many different people who also believe in what Impact is doing.

This past week has been very busy (it's always busy here...).

We continued to work with the team from Duvall and we had an absolute blast with them. They were such a blessing to us as a ministry as well as to me personally. I'm just going to give a brief overview of our last week. We took the team on home visits, went to the hospital in Coban, played soccer with some of the teachers from one of the Impact schools and travelled to Antigua and Guatemala city.

On Tuesday morning we left Tactic for Antigua where we take each team to do some touristy things. We had a great time there visiting ruins, going to the market and enjoying Antigua. I will post pictures soon.

While in Antigua, I had the privilege of visiting a dear friend of mine-Naomi Heye! She lived in Kamloops most of her life and is also an alum of Kamloops Christian School. We have known each other since I was very little and she is very special to me. She is working in a children's home about 3o minutes outside of Antigua and she drove in to Antigua to see me! It was so lovely. We went for crepes at this fantastic place in Antigua and had a chance to visit for the first time in over a year (I think it's been a year...or maybe more...I struggle to keep track of time...)! I am very grateful I got to spend time with her.

On Thursday morning we drove the Duvall team to Guatemala city where they flew back to Duvall. Me, along with Karren and Rocky Chupa, Arryn Bauder and Eric Valiante (he is a Guatemalan who does a great deal of work for Impact), then took the afternoon off just relaxing and spending time together. It was really great. After we ate dinner we had to go to the airport to pick up the next team. This team is from a church in Charlie Lake- they refer to it as a sort of suburb of Fort St. John (BC). This morning we toured the capital a bit and then drove back to Tactic.

I have such a neat job here. I get to work with short-term teams from all over North America and facilitate them as they serve Impact Ministries. It is so so interesting to see how different every team is. I am gleaning so much from watching teams and how they interact and the positives and negatives of every team structure.

I love that I can meet new, interesting and exciting people and spend 10 days with them, growing alongside them. I find it absolutely incredible that these teams accept me, love me, trust me and bless me in so many ways. I feel so honoured.

I am learning a great deal here and I am so grateful that God brought me here to serve with Impact Ministries.

I covet your prayers as I know I can only serve by God's strength-not mine.

Please pray:

-For continued energy, strength, patience and love for me

-That I would be able to connect with this new team and love on them and serve them as they so need

-That I would discipline myself to set aside time for just me and God

-For wisdom and courage in all my interactions-I want to be a blessing to all that I encounter

Thank you all so much for your support. You are so dear to me.

I would love to hear from you so comment on this or e-mail me-I would love to share with you more of what God is doing in me and I would LOVE to hear what God is doing in your life.

Much love,

Michelle

xoxo

Photos phrom the past phive days.

I hope you appreciate my failed attempt at alliteration...

Anyways.

Here are some pictures to give you a window into my life here in Guatemala.

A photo from children's ministry in a local church. I hope this photo tugs at your heart strings.

This is where we have worked for three mornings this week (and we will be working there tomorrow morning). It is one of the Impact Ministries Vida schools-Chijacorral (spelling might be wrong...)

Me, performing some last-minute, much needed dental surgery on one of the Duvall team leaders: Phil.

*I think I might have a future in the dental industry*-I hope you agree...

Sorry there are only a few pictures here, but it is all I have time for at the moment.

Thank you so much for your prayers.

Please message me or e-mail me if you want to know more details about my time here:

m-coxon@hotmail.com

Walking hand in hand with Jesus,

Much love,

Michelle

xoxo

I am in Guatemala.

I am here.

Finally.

Even though I have been here for 4 days now it still feel pretty unreal.

I'm going to just give a quickie update because I need to be heading to bed very soon to get some MUCH needed rest.

I arrived in Guatemala city Sunday night. The trip down was perfect.

Honestly. Nothing went wrong. It was unreal.

It was so unreal that I kept thinking: "I must have done something wrong along the way. Something must be wrong. This can't be this problem free."

But it was.

I got to all my gates on time (one ONLY by the grace of God-I'll explain another day if I have time). All my bags got through. Hermano Eric (he works for Impact Ministries and is super great-he's a crazy/amazing driver and kind of like a Guatemalan uncle to me. Or something like that...) picked me up and took me to SETECA (a Bible seminary right in Guatemala city), slept the night there, and then Les Peters picked up me and Rueben & Martha Sawatsky (they are also working with Impact teams for part of the summer) and then we drove to Tactic.

We arrived in Tactic around 1pm, ate lunch and then the team arrived around 6pm that night.

The team that we have with us right now is from Duvall, Washington and they are a riot. I so enjoy and appreciate them. They are such a blessing to the ministry and I feel so blessed to be working with them.

My job here is so help facilitate the teams, so I am with the teams all day, every day. I eat with them, go to the worksite with them, do children's ministry with them, debrief with them...

You get the picture.

Here is a brief overview of what an average day in the life of Michelle looks like:

Wake up: 6am

Breakfast: 6:30am

Leave for one of the Vida (Impact) school's devotionals: 7:20am

Work on the work site (this means moving LOTS of dirt): 9am-12pm

Lunch: 12pm

Children's ministry 1:30-5pm

Dinner: 6:30pm

Debrief: 7:30-9:30pm

Bed: 11pm

Obviously not every day includes all of that. For example: today we went to a cave (the sinkhole) instead of working on the worksite.

Each day has its routine but is also very different. It is definitely taking a while to adjust to it all in some ways, but at the same time, I feel like I have been here for weeks.

I love it here.

I am living in a house with 4 Canadian girls and 2 Guatemalan girls (all of them teach in the Impact schools) and they are super great. They speak way more Spanish in the home than I expected, but it is super good for me because it is forcing me to learn.

I don't have time for anything more, but I just wanted to give a quick update. I will post some pictures soon (hopefully!)

Could you pray for me?

Some prayer requests:

-For energy. I am so tired all the time and I really want to give all I have to the teams and to Impact.

-For love. I want to love everyone I interact with as Jesus would love them.

-For patience. I get easily irritated at myself because I don't know very much Spanish at all and I really want to be able to communicate with the people here.

-For safety. We are safe in many ways here in Tactic, but I don't want to take this safety for granted.

I love you all and I SO appreciate your prayers and support.

You have all been SUCH an encouragement to me.

Much love,

Mee-shell (that's how the Guatemalans pronounce my name-I love it. My dear 3YZ-my dorm at Trinity-also called me that.)

ONE week until Guatemala!

Hello everyone!
I cannot believe that in ONE week I will be in Guatemala.
I am one of those people that never really believes I'm going on a trip until I am physically on the plane (I know-weird...)
BUT I still am getting very very excited for my trip.
I would really appreciate your prayers for these last few days I have before I leave.
On July 8 I will be flying out of Kamloops for a wedding I am playing music for in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I will be there until Sunday morning, July 11, which is when I fly out to GUATEMALA!
Prayer requests:
-Last minute details (for my Guatemala and Saskatchewan trip) will work out
-I will sleep well so that I can begin my trip well-rested
-I will be able to take time to enjoy my last few days that I have with my family this summer
-I will continue to take time to spend with the Lord
-I will be at PEACE and not stress over things that are out of my control

Thank you all so very much for your support!
Much love,
Michelle

Benefit Concert=HUGE SUCCESS

Thank you all for your tremendous support!
The Benefit Concert was SUCH a SUCCESS and I cannot thank you all enough.
OVER $2,000 was raised- Praise the LORD!

Thanks to all of who helped, thanks to all of you who came, thanks to all of you that wanted to come, thanks to all of you who sent me encouraging messages, thanks to all of you who financially supported me, and thank you to all of you for your continual prayer and support. That covers ALL of you!! I am overwhelmed by the support I am receiving from all of you.

Many of you bought CDs last night (THANK YOU) and many of you have talked to me and ordered CDs. If you would still like a CD ($5 each), please contact me (m-coxon@hotmail.com OR comment on this post) and we can figure out how to get a CD to you.

I leave in 2 weeks! I will be in Saskatchewan for a few days for a wedding and then I will be off to Guatemala on July 11! I appreciate your prayers throughout these last few weeks of prep as I have MUCH still to do.

Keep checking out my blog as I will continue to update it.

Here are some current prayer requests and praise reports:
-Praise the LORD that the Benefit Concert was such a success and for the support so many of you have offered
-Prayer that I will use wisdom in how I spend the little amount of time I have left before my trip
-Prayer that all the last-minute preparation details get figured out
-Prayer as I work on other things I need to get done at home before I leave for the summer

Thank you again for your continued prayers and support.

Blessings,
Love,
Michelle

Benefit Concert=THIS Wednesday!

Hello dear ones!
As many of you know...I have a benefit concert coming up VERY soon!
TWO DAYS!
I am getting very excited about it so I just wanted to remind all of you about it so you could be excited with me:)
Here are the details again:
It is this Wednesday, June 23 at 7pm at Southwest Community Church. It is a minimum donation of $7 to get in and children ages 10 and under are FREE.

ALSO:
Something very exciting:
Recently, with the help of a great teacher and friend-Mr. Sandro Cuzzetto-I have made a CD of 5 of my original compositions. I will be selling them at the concert for $5 each-so bring money for that!
If you are unable to come to the concert but would like a CD, let me know, and we can work something out.

Blessings to you all!
Thank you for all your support.
PEACE.
JOY.
LOVE.

Benefit Concert-June 23

As many of you know: I love music.

I really love it.

A lot a lot a lot.

I love it so much that I have chosen to study for (at least) 4 years (I just finished my first year!) at Trinity Western University in Langley BC.

Anyways, my point is that when I was thinking about fundraising for this trip I was trying to think of what I have to offer that people would be willing to pay money for.
Haha.
Odd way of putting it, I know, but I thought that it made sense to do something I love and share it with others and in doing so raise money for my trip!

So, I am putting on a BENEFIT CONCERT!

Yes I am!

Here are the details:

When: June 23 @ 7pm
Where: Southwest Community Church [700 Hugh Allan Drive], Kamloops, BC

It will be an evening of music and sharing about my trip. I will be playing and singing as well as some other great musicians will be performing. It should be a really lovely evening. It would mean so much to me for each of you to be there. Entrance is a minimum donation of $7/person and children ages 10 and under are FREE. 100% of the money raised from the entrance donations will be put towards my Guatemala trip.

I am very excited about this concert and I hope that you can join me.

Please invite anyone you know who may be interested!

And feel free to ask me for more information if you need.

Blessings to you all.

Glorious rain.

I live in Kamloops which is considered to be a semi-desert. Which means we get very little precipitation. Which means we get very little rain.
I love the sun, but I actually don't mind the rain. It is beautiful.
Especially when it rains hard. Really really hard. The kind of rain that you think will make the roof cave in.

I used to be so scared of storms when I was younger. Ask my family. I was scared of rain, wind, waves, thunder, lightning. It was a paralyzing fear. So much so that it inhibited me from living my life.

I can remember one time when my family was visiting South Africa (I was about 11 years old) and we went to this fantastic ocean-side restaurant. I think it was called the Brass Bell. Now, this restaurant was not your typical ocean-view restaurant. It was so close to the water that during high tide the waves crashed onto the massive windows that took up most of the wall space. The waves were taller than people! It felt like at any moment the windows would shatter and the sea would engulf you. It was incredible.

But not for me.

This absolutely petrified me. I could not for the life of me understand why my parents brought me to a place where I could die at any moment. Not only did we go to this restaurant, but of course my family had to sit RIGHT beside the window so that we could actually feel the waves shake the windows. My family knew I was scared, so to take my mind off things my kind sister Anthea decided to take me to the second floor where I could watch the waves.

Great idea Anthea. Let's WATCH the waves kill us. That will make it far less scary.

Well, you probably guessed that this just increased my fear because on the second floor I could feel the whole building shake and my natural assumption was:
Shaking building: I am going to fall off and die.

Super rational Michelle.

Once Anthea realized this was only making me more scared she took me back downstairs. I then proceeded to spend the rest of my time at the restaurant sitting as FAR away from the ocean as I possible, which happened to be the bathroom.

I let my fear of the waves completely ruin my time at the Brass Bell. I could have enjoyed my time with my family but because I was so busy being scared I had no time to appreciate the beauty (or the food!) around me.

I have long got over my fear of extreme weather and I look forward to going back to the Brass Bell and standing on the second floor and delighting in the fact that those waves no longer have a hold on me.
But I am realizing more and more that I have so many other fears. Most of these fears are not as noticeable as the fear I just spoke about, but there are often just as paralyzing.
For example: when God asks me to go pray for a person, my first response is to freeze up. I get scared.
But then I think: what's the worst that could happen?
Here's a list of possible bad outcomes:
1. They don't want prayer.
2.Or maybe they think I'm weird.
3.Or *worst of all* THEY DON'T LIKE ME.
Uh oh.
That would be terrible.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but that is honestly a fear that holds me back from so many things. The fear of not being liked.

Why do we as humans so long for human approval?

Think about that for a second.

Oh Jesus: I want to live for your approval only.
Help me take your hand and face the storm.
I want to dance with you in the glorious rain.

Impact Ministries

Here is the link to the website of the ministry I will be working with in Guatemala:
http://www.impactministries.ca/

I will post more details later about what I will be doing while I am down there.

Never doubt.

Here I am.
June 1, 2010.
Excited and amazed at what God has done in me over the past few months. I cannot believe what God has brought me through and taught me as I journey with him, hand in hand, learning to trust my Father. If you had told me 6 months ago that I would be going to Guatemala this summer I would have told you that the idea was completely unrealistic.
Oh dear- how I love to be realistic. And careful.
But God is teaching me to grab hold of his hand and jump. It is scary, but so so exciting.

Here is some of the story.
As many of you know, last spring I was in Guatemala working with Impact Ministries through Kamloops Christian School. I was a grade 12 leader with my school's grade 10 missions teams and it was my second time doing missions in the country as I had gone in grade 10 through KCS. While I was down there the Peters asked me if I would consider coming down to Guatemala fall '09 and working in their schools. As much as my heart wanted to say yes, I was at peace with the fact that God wanted me to go to Trinity Western University in the fall. So I told them no, but that I would think and pray about coming spring/summer '10.
Once I was at Trinity I didn't really think it would be realistic to go back to Guatemala in the spring (yet another example of my love for being realistic), so I put the thought out of my mind. Well, God had other plans, and over Christmas break I really felt burdened to e-mail the Peters and ask if I could come and help in the spring or summer. I didn't really want to e-mail them but God put that feeling in my stomach that I can't get rid of unless I do what God is telling me to do. You know the one I am talking about? Well it nagged and nagged at me, so after trying to push it aside I decided I would just e-mail them. I mean, what harm could it do to e-mail them? I wasn't committing to anything...
So I e-mailed them. And then I waited for a reply. And then I started to get really excited about the idea. And then I waited some more. So then I e-mailed again (just in case they didn't get it the first time). And then I waited. And then I gave up on the idea. I figured that if I was supposed to go they would have e-mailed me back.
So then I looked into other spring/summer opportunities. I looked into jobs, volunteer opportunities, travelling...but nothing was working. Everything I tried for fell through. I was so confused and frustrated. I didn't understand what God was trying to do. I was giving up.

But God wasn't.

Then, one night I was sitting in Starbucks studying for my English exam with some friends. Because I was studying so hard I decided to check my e-mail (everyone knows that checking one's e-mail multiple times during study sessions helps the brain retain more information. and if you didn't know that just be thankful for the free advice).
I opened my e-mail and there was an e-mail from Rita Peters of Impact Ministries! At this point, my heart was racing. I was so nervous to read what this e-mail contained. I opened the e-mail and (oh man I can feel the same emotions coming back again) as soon as I read Rita's invitation for me to come to Guatemala this summer, I knew that this was exactly what God wanted me to do. After I explained to my friends that were sitting with me what the e-mail said, I said to them: "EVERYTHING makes sense now". Everything that God had been teaching me made sense. I understood why God had brought me to the place I was. He had to bring me to a place where I had no idea what I was doing in the summer. I was at a place where I had to rely on him completely. I was ready to listen to him.

God you are so good.

I just sat there in utter amazement and gratitude.

But then the doubts started rushing in. I started to think of all the reasons why I couldn't go to Guatemala. But before I could doubt any further, one of my dear wise friends looked me right in the eyes and said: "Stop thinking-you know this is what God wants you to do". And so I sat there. In stunned silence. Letting the wonder of it all sink in.

And so, after just over a month of planning and e-mailing, I am going to Guatemala. I still cannot believe how God made this all work out, but God just says to me with a smile: "Why do you ever doubt?" Ahh- our God is so so gentle.
All year that is what he has been saying to me over and over: "Why do you ever doubt Michelle?" He says it in such a gentle voice as he holds me close.
"Why do you ever doubt Michelle?"

I am reminded of a quote I have loved for years:
"Put your hand into the hand of God, for that shall be to you better than a light, and safer than a known way."

Yes. yes.

I am trying to remember this.

I am so grateful for how gentle and patient our Lord is with us.

So, I am so excited for what God has in store for me as I walk hand in hand with him on this journey.
I would covet your prayers as I continue to prepare for this trip and continue to ask God to ready my heart for what he has.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I am excited to see where God will take me, and you, as we walk hand in hand with him.

Never doubt that God is in control of YOUR life.

Never doubt that God has amazing plans for YOU.

Never doubt that God is holding YOU close to himself.

Never doubt.