Never doubt.

Here I am.
June 1, 2010.
Excited and amazed at what God has done in me over the past few months. I cannot believe what God has brought me through and taught me as I journey with him, hand in hand, learning to trust my Father. If you had told me 6 months ago that I would be going to Guatemala this summer I would have told you that the idea was completely unrealistic.
Oh dear- how I love to be realistic. And careful.
But God is teaching me to grab hold of his hand and jump. It is scary, but so so exciting.

Here is some of the story.
As many of you know, last spring I was in Guatemala working with Impact Ministries through Kamloops Christian School. I was a grade 12 leader with my school's grade 10 missions teams and it was my second time doing missions in the country as I had gone in grade 10 through KCS. While I was down there the Peters asked me if I would consider coming down to Guatemala fall '09 and working in their schools. As much as my heart wanted to say yes, I was at peace with the fact that God wanted me to go to Trinity Western University in the fall. So I told them no, but that I would think and pray about coming spring/summer '10.
Once I was at Trinity I didn't really think it would be realistic to go back to Guatemala in the spring (yet another example of my love for being realistic), so I put the thought out of my mind. Well, God had other plans, and over Christmas break I really felt burdened to e-mail the Peters and ask if I could come and help in the spring or summer. I didn't really want to e-mail them but God put that feeling in my stomach that I can't get rid of unless I do what God is telling me to do. You know the one I am talking about? Well it nagged and nagged at me, so after trying to push it aside I decided I would just e-mail them. I mean, what harm could it do to e-mail them? I wasn't committing to anything...
So I e-mailed them. And then I waited for a reply. And then I started to get really excited about the idea. And then I waited some more. So then I e-mailed again (just in case they didn't get it the first time). And then I waited. And then I gave up on the idea. I figured that if I was supposed to go they would have e-mailed me back.
So then I looked into other spring/summer opportunities. I looked into jobs, volunteer opportunities, travelling...but nothing was working. Everything I tried for fell through. I was so confused and frustrated. I didn't understand what God was trying to do. I was giving up.

But God wasn't.

Then, one night I was sitting in Starbucks studying for my English exam with some friends. Because I was studying so hard I decided to check my e-mail (everyone knows that checking one's e-mail multiple times during study sessions helps the brain retain more information. and if you didn't know that just be thankful for the free advice).
I opened my e-mail and there was an e-mail from Rita Peters of Impact Ministries! At this point, my heart was racing. I was so nervous to read what this e-mail contained. I opened the e-mail and (oh man I can feel the same emotions coming back again) as soon as I read Rita's invitation for me to come to Guatemala this summer, I knew that this was exactly what God wanted me to do. After I explained to my friends that were sitting with me what the e-mail said, I said to them: "EVERYTHING makes sense now". Everything that God had been teaching me made sense. I understood why God had brought me to the place I was. He had to bring me to a place where I had no idea what I was doing in the summer. I was at a place where I had to rely on him completely. I was ready to listen to him.

God you are so good.

I just sat there in utter amazement and gratitude.

But then the doubts started rushing in. I started to think of all the reasons why I couldn't go to Guatemala. But before I could doubt any further, one of my dear wise friends looked me right in the eyes and said: "Stop thinking-you know this is what God wants you to do". And so I sat there. In stunned silence. Letting the wonder of it all sink in.

And so, after just over a month of planning and e-mailing, I am going to Guatemala. I still cannot believe how God made this all work out, but God just says to me with a smile: "Why do you ever doubt?" Ahh- our God is so so gentle.
All year that is what he has been saying to me over and over: "Why do you ever doubt Michelle?" He says it in such a gentle voice as he holds me close.
"Why do you ever doubt Michelle?"

I am reminded of a quote I have loved for years:
"Put your hand into the hand of God, for that shall be to you better than a light, and safer than a known way."

Yes. yes.

I am trying to remember this.

I am so grateful for how gentle and patient our Lord is with us.

So, I am so excited for what God has in store for me as I walk hand in hand with him on this journey.
I would covet your prayers as I continue to prepare for this trip and continue to ask God to ready my heart for what he has.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I am excited to see where God will take me, and you, as we walk hand in hand with him.

Never doubt that God is in control of YOUR life.

Never doubt that God has amazing plans for YOU.

Never doubt that God is holding YOU close to himself.

Never doubt.